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By 2 July 2014 | Categories: news

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As above, so below. TechSmart’s astrologer, Merlin Mendacium, casts his eyes skywards to bring you the July horoscope. 

Cancer

With all the frequent new stories created in the Marvel and DC comic book universes, the worlds become so unwieldy that reboots are often necessary to bring back order and uniformity. In your birthday month Mr. Crab, how about considering rebooting your life for the better?

Leo

Why bother reading this if you obviously don’t believe in Astrology Mr. Lion?

Virgo

In his life, the intrepid explorer Tintin had some amazing adventures, travelling across the globe and also to the moon. You on the other hand Virgo, will be bed bound this month, with winter finally catching up with the flu.

Libra

When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Now slowly put that hammer down and we can talk about this like two grown-ups.

Scorpio

The story is often told of Bill Murray walking around the streets of New York, licking people’s ice-creams, only to tell them, “No one will ever believe you.” Now we’re not saying you’re Bill Murray, but you can definitely get away with licking some ice-cream this month Scorpio.

Sagittarius

“Inspiration is for amateurs — the rest of us just show up and get to work.” This according to painter Chuck Close, echoing Woody Allen who said 80% of life is showing up. Forget others’ criticism or doing it perfectly, whatever you need to do, just do it, Sagi.

Capricorn

A mystery object appeared and then disappeared from a massive lake on Titan, the biggest moon of Saturn, your ruling planet Capricorn. While scientist are investigating this anomaly, you can be certain that this has something to do with your recent forgetfulness.

Aquarius

Tesla motors recently opened up a number of their patents in order to further the development of the electric car industry. If you are losing faith in humanity Aquarian, note that there are still awesome folks like Elon Musk around.

Pisces

Why would it be that Luis Suárez reverts to biting opponents? Was it maybe a mannerism he picked up as a kid? How many of these childlike mannerisms do you carry around Mr. Fish?

Aries

Hello darkness my old friend. No, that’s not Eskom’s new jingle, but now might be a good time to invest in some energy efficient light bulbs.

Taurus

Do you remember that feeling of untold possibilities when you picked up your previous smartphone on contract? Do you remember how you felt about it just before your recent upgrade? Don’t feel the same way about your new girlfriend/boyfriend.    

Gemini

Your continued criticism of Heyneke Meyer is unfounded, except perhaps for his persistence with Ruan Pienaar. With a number of key players injured, he is doing the best under trying circumstances. Bokke – World Champs 2015 – it’s in the stars. 

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